They have both been head down 'ready to go' for over a month and now feel so low I’ve been convinced for a few days that they can see daylight. A certainty confirmed (kind of) by our Consultant today. My cervix has shortened, Big Brother is contemplating a bid for freedom and the Big Day Of Birth could occur any time, so I am currently at home waiting for something life changing to happen sometime soon. Trouble is I’m not exactly sure what to expect or when it is going to happen and am in a sort of trepidation filled limbo land. Will I spring a leak? Will I suddenly double over in pain? Are those low down head wriggles a sign we ought to hot-foot it to the Hospital? Will this waiting game go on for minutes, hours, days…?
I’m reflecting on my pregnancy experience and think the most enduring memory will be the first scan at 12 weeks when we discovered our baby had company. Once over the twin shock my overriding feeling, which I am certain will stay with me forever, was the awe and amazement that the two teeny tiny babies on the monitor seemed so independent and different so early on in their lives.
The age-old nature/ nurture debate really comes into its’ own with twins. Daddy David and I watched with intrigue at the black and white beings on the monitor all those weeks ago; one calm and quiet and the other active and lively. Did this early observation in temperament imply that for all my worry and analysis our parenting skills (or lack of) will not be entirely responsible for the outcome of two personalities? Will we merely be making a contribution to the characters they develop? Maybe we won't be entirely responsible for the happy days or the sad days, the quiet days or the manic moments? Is this a good thing or not?
The other thing that has surprised me about pregnancy is how natural it has felt. I haven’t resented the babies for taking over my body or forcing my jeans into early retirement. I have learnt something I think I already knew, that women are guilty of over complicating things. Especially body related things. Eating and moving and changes in body shape. If we were only able to stop thinking we knew better and just let our bodies get on with things then I think we would all be happier! Our bodies are pretty good at what they are meant to do but somewhere along the line most of us stopped listening to them.
Over the last few months I have found myself at the fridge eating cheese, drinking milk, grazing at handfuls of nuts… only to read later that these are the very foods to benefit the babies most at that particular time. A few months later it was spinach with everything, and avocados followed by bananas… ditto they were the recommended foods de jour. I didn’t consciously know that but my body did. I can’t even claim that I was trying to get ‘in tune’ but my body shifted up a gear and because it was all new to me I didn’t second guess it or try to ignore what it was telling me. Maybe I’ll go and finish the chocolate in the fridge while I think about all that. May as well make the most of the remaining ‘I’m not fat I’m pregnant’ moments seeing as I’m not sure how many of them I have left….
